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Dogs are God’s best example of unconditional love this side of Heaven, in my opinion. If you’re not a dog person, this might not be your favorite Southern Fried Encouragement blog. Come back another time, though. I’m sure I’ll have something else for you.
I lost the best dog in the world this week. I can’t stand to walk past the empty place where her bed used to be, or see her empty bowl. I keep thinking I’m going to hear the click, click, click of her walking across hardwood floors. I feel immobilized by grief right now, and as always, the thing that helps me most in my pain is to write. Please indulge me while I tell the story of our sweet Roxy.
It was a swelteringly hot day in the summer of 2005. My 12 year old son, Daniel, went out back to play with our golden retriever, Kodiak. He came running back into the house yelling, “MOM!! Come quick!! Kodiak had puppies!!!”
I knew just when it had happened. A couple of months earlier, I was doing the dishes and looked in the backyard to see a strange black lab. He and Kodiak were smoking a cigarette . . .
She’d only had three puppies, which explained why I hadn’t noticed her gaining weight. Sadly, one of them was born dead.
Immediately a furious thunderstorm came up. As soon as it was over, Daniel went back out to check on the puppies. Kodiak had dug a hole to have the puppies in, and rain had run in that hole. One of the puppies had drowned and poor Daniel tried in vain to give it CPR. His heart was broken that he couldn’t save that puppy.
No mom with a heart could tell him he couldn’t keep the one puppy who lived.
And that’s how we got our precious Roxy. Half golden retriever/half sneaky neighbor black lab.
Roxy was the quietest dog ever. I can count on one hand the number of times I heard her bark. Never once heard her growl. She buried whatever bones we got her for Christmas, no matter how big they were. She loved to chase birds and squirrels. If I’d known she was sick, I would’ve let her keep the one she got two weeks before she died.
She was always an outside dog. Any time I’d make her come in when it was cold, she acted like she hated it. She’d sit by the back door and want back out. When we moved back to NC from Virginia, we moved into a townhouse (not for long — city life ain’t for me). There was no room for Roxy to be outside, so she went to live with my cousin Brad and his family for a few years. She loved running free at their house, and they loved her like we did.
Roxy came back to live with me after I remarried and lived where there were acres and acres for her to run free. We already had two inside dogs, so I told my husband not to worry about a third one in the house — Roxy didn’t like being inside.
The first night she was here, there was Roxy — staring in the back door like, “Why do those dogs get to be in there and you’re making me stay outside?” We stood there in silence until Todd finally said, “Well we can’t just leave her out there!” And with that, Roxy became an inside dog. It was such a joy to have her inside that I wish she had been all along.
Everyone who has ever met Roxy said she’s the sweetest, most gentle, well behaved dog they’ve ever met. When our granddaughter Kinley was born, Roxy let her crawl all over her. It makes me so sad that Kinley probably won’t remember her.
We all noticed Roxy was losing weight. A few weeks ago, she went to get up from her bed and she fell. It scared us, but I attributed all these things to age.– after all, she was 12, and that’s old for large breed dogs. We got home from vacation this weekend and I had to help her up the stairs. I thought maybe she was getting arthritis and made her an appointment with the vet on Monday.
The vet gave me the news every pet owner fears. Our sweet Roxy had cancer. There was nothing they could do for her. We needed to make plans to let her go.
I sobbed my way through the drive thru at McDonald’s and got her a plain cheeseburger. Todd grilled her a New York Strip for supper. On Tuesday, she walked outside, but couldn’t walk back in. After that we carried her in and out. That night again she had New York Strip.
By Wednesday, she couldn’t walk at all. I stayed home with her all day, loving on her all I could, yet knowing what we had to do. I carried her outside to let her enjoy the unseasonably warm fall day for as long as I could.
When it was time, we carried her in her bed so she wouldn’t have to die on a cold doctor’s table. Todd and I held her close and through sobs, I told her what a good girl she was, and how much we all loved her — right up until she took her last breath. The vet cried with us and said we should all hope to die that way — peacefully going to sleep with the people who love us most by our side.
We buried her in her bed, under the oak trees at the edge of the yard where she used to race out the door to chase the squirrels.
The grief comes in waves. It happened so fast that I’m still reeling. I struggle with guilt — why didn’t I know she was sick? Could I have saved her if I had? I know one day I’ll stop crying. But that day isn’t today. I will never forget our sweet Roxy girl, and even if you never met her, I hope you won’t either. If you have fur babies, hold them a little closer tonight. You don’t get to keep them nearly long enough, you know.
Lord, please let there really be a Rainbow Bridge. Let Roxy be running as fast as the wind through green pastures with her beautiful jet black fur blowing. Let her catch a squirrel and let her keep it this time. And please let her be waiting for me when I get there.
ehrhardt514 said:
I’m crying as I type this comment! We love our fur babies! So sorry for your loss!
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Southern Fried Encouragement said:
Yes we do. Thank you so much!
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Jessica said:
Dee, I wish so hard that I could have hugged you while we were there. I know how hard it is to have to make the decision to let our fur lovies go. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t thinks about Duke and hope that I see him on the other side. A more loveable, goofy dog I have yet to meet.
I cried while I read this, and hope that as the time goes, you’ll think of Roxy and not cry. She would want to to remember her healthy and happy. Not sick. You will always grieve, I know, but know that she loved you, and you were there for her, all the way up to the end. And now you’ve got her watching down on you too.
xoxo. Jessica
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Southern Fried Encouragement said:
Thank you so much, sweet girl. It helps to know you feel the same way. My heart will heal enough not to cry every day but I’ll always miss her. Love you soooo much.
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Beth Abrams said:
You made me laugh and cry. Smoking a cigarette… Love you and I got to love Roxy this week too.
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Southern Fried Encouragement said:
I’m glad I made you laugh, and cry too. We love our fur babies, don’t we? I love you!!
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Robin said:
My heart goes out to you, Dee. We lost our Holly last Dec. and her brother on Mother’s Day 3 1/2 years ago. We still talk about both of them almost daily, the funny things they did. So many reminders all around. I know you’ll miss Roxy always, and you’ll never forget the good memories. Love to you, my friend.
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Southern Fried Encouragement said:
They really don’t live long enough, do they? Thank you, Robin. Love you too.
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Robert Miller said:
My heart breaks for you Dee!!!!!! I know what you are going thru 100%, it is so sad that our fur babies don’t live longer. They are the only ones that ever show you unconditional love no matter what they have been through!!!! She will always be with you in all those precious memories that you have of her. You will be surprised you might even hear her footsteps in the house from tie to time, this is where she is just checking up on you.
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Southern Fried Encouragement said:
Thank you so much. I agree with you!!! It’s sad we don’t have them longer. 💔
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Missy McGee said:
It truly is one of the most difficult & heartbreaking decisions ever. Even if they’re sick. Or hurt. Or you know it’s the right/best thing to do. We had a Westie named Harry, that had belonged to my mom, and when she passed away we inherited him. He was the coolest dog ever, with so much personality & a love for Dingos like I’d never seen before. (Or since). But then he developed diabetes. And we had to give him insulin shots twice a day. And, man, did he hate those shots!! But he never cried, or growled, or ran away from us. But that pitiful look in his eyes was enough to break my heart. And over time and many trips to the vet, and adjustments in his insulin, I knew the life he was living wasn’t what he deserved. After many tears & discussions with my husband & son, we made the decision to let him go where he could be with my mom, whole & happy again. Was it the right decision? I’ve asked myself that a thousand times and for Harry it was the only decision I could, in all fairness, love, and respect, make. I miss him every single day. And I still cry. And that’s okay. Sending you big hugs, Dee….thanks for sharing your story, your heart, and your Roxy.
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Southern Fried Encouragement said:
I’m so sorry, Missy. I know that was such a hard decision. I’m still questioning myself, so thank you for helping me believe I did the right thing. Today I vacuumed and mopped and I wept because I felt like I was cleaning up the last of her footprints on our house. This is going to take a while to recover from.
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Tressa Goughenour said:
I’m so sorry for your broken hearts. Roxy sounds like she was a great companion and furry friend. I, too, pray there really is a Rainbow Bridge for the wonderful loving companions we lose all too soon. It won’t be long till my beloved Winston, ESS, will be helped out of this world and my heart will break, again. Taking his bed along is something I hadn’t thought about, but will do. Thank you.
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Southern Fried Encouragement said:
I pray you’ll make the most of all the time you have left with your precious Winston, and that you will see him and I’ll see my Roxy at the Rainbow Bridge, never to be apart again!
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Jimmy said:
Thinking about you today. So sorry to hear about Roxy. Our little Koda was killed by a bigger dog in the community–it hurt so much to lose someone you love. Koda was only with us two years–can’t imagine if he’d been with us as long as Roxy was with you.
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Southern Fried Encouragement said:
Thank you, Jimmy. I know it must’ve broken all your hearts to lose Koda. I’ve lost pets before, but this one has hurt me the most.
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Donna Amick said:
I am so sorry for your loss. I used to hear my fur baby walking on the hard wood flooring. I lost she and my husband close together and I dream about them running in a field of flowers, looking so happy and healthy.
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Southern Fried Encouragement said:
That’s a good dream to have, Donna. I pray they are!!
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oakietherottie said:
My mommy lost her best friend of 16 years. She was only 18 so he was all she knew. After a long time searching she found me and brought me home. Everyday since the she has loved me more and more. Sometimes mommy brings out old pictures or videos of her old friend. Sh say
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oakietherottie said:
She says that I remind her a lot of him. That we have the same personalities. Then she lays by my side and cries and hugs me. Some humans don’t understand the bond between us dogs and our human companions. Mommy will always love her first dog, but she loves me in a different way.
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Michele Hall Smith said:
I have to believe that they are waiting for us. I cannot believe God would make such sweet beings that we are put in charge of caring for, so capable of love, without souls. I have lost quite a few of my fur babies, this kind of heart-break is like no other.
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Southern Fried Encouragement said:
You’re right. It truly is so heartbreaking!! God did make them so unconditionally loving!!
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