I have always been a planner. If I could be ready for any situation that might come my way, I felt better. Intellectually, I know bad things will come. But I dang sure don’t want them to be my fault when they do. It tears me slap outta my frame when something happens that I could’ve prevented by trying harder.
The teacher might not give us a pop quiz, but I’ll study this chapter just in case. The power might not go out in this ice storm, but I’m gonna fill up this bathtub with water so we can flush if it does (all you Southerners with wells and septic understand that one). Some might call it being controlling. I call it being prepared!
Since my grandmother died of breast cancer at 35 and my mother had it as well, I have done everything I knew to do to dodge that bullet. I avoided every risk factor. I had my babies before I was 30. I nursed them all. I was barely on birth control pills. I watched my weight. I ate (relatively) healthy. I never smoked, never drank. I never took estrogen when I went through menopause. I had annual mammograms starting at 40.
Even though I had a clean 3D mammogram a few months earlier and despite my best efforts, I found a lump and was diagnosed with invasive breast cancer on August 29, 2025. Following a successful lumpectomy and tons of tests, my tumor was nearly twice as big as they first thought, it had spread into a lymph node, and I had a high chance of it coming back somewhere else in my body to finish what it started. Aggressive chemo and radiation will give me the best chance at long term survival.
At first the shock and disbelief hit. SURELY I can’t have cancer while I’m ALREADY going through the second worst valley of my life, right? Details of the other unbelievable dumpster fire I’m dealing with will have to wait for another post, when the Netflix series comes out, or when 48 Hours interviews my sweet husband, my family and friends. And to read up on the “Worse-than-this-Valley circa 2006,” check some of my earlier blogs. This might not be AS bad as 2006, but it’s pert-near.
The shock is wearing off. I’m getting my port this week. Chemo will start the next day. Reality is setting in.
For my last weekend before treatment starts, we came to our beach house for some Vitamin Sea. I knew I needed to get as mentally and spiritually as strong as I can to face this mountain. I walked 6 miles on the beach. I prayed. I played worship music. I sang along. I raised my hands in praise. I cried out to God to help me.
An offshore Nor’easter brought coastal flooding and beach erosion the night before. Overnight, the surf had swept away the beach underneath this boardwalk.
I prayed,
“Lord, I feel like this set of stairs. I feel like the ground has been washed out from underneath me. Some of me is still on solid ground, but some of me is dangling. Not just about having cancer, but about the people who are seeking to hurt me. I can’t fix any of it.”
I heard the Lord speak to me in His still, small voice, like I’ve heard Him so many times before:
You might have done everything you could to avoid cancer, and you might not have done anything to cause people to falsely accuse you; but like this boardwalk will have to wait for someone to fix it, so will you. You’re going to have to let ME be your solid ground. Look to Me and not the wind and the waves. You’ve done all. Now STAND.
I must do my part, but I cannot do HIS part. And although in His power He could, He WILL NOT do my part. Ephesians 6:13 says,
Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to STAND.
I feel completely overwhelmed to be fighting cancer and fighting people who are trying to hurt me at the same time. However, I believe that is where God can shine through in my life the most. If I could get out of this valley on my own, if my dear husband could fix it, we would. And we wouldn’t need God.
Friend, if we live long enough, we’re all going to face a bend in the road. It might not be cancer (and I sure hope it isn’t!), but it will be something that shakes you to your core. When it does, I hope you can remind yourself of something a dear friend said to me once:
A bend in the road is only the END of the road if you fail to make the turn.
Precious Lord Jesus, help me make this turn, this bend in the road, with grace and strength. You have been SO faithful to me my whole life. I can look back on every single trial, every valley, and I see how You carried me, making what I thought was the end of the road just a bend every time. You have never left me alone, and You won’t start now.
When I feel overwhelmed with fear, give me faith. When I am sick, give me strength. You could say the Word and I would be healed, I believe that. I also believe You can use medicine and my oncology team to heal me. Whichever You choose, I will be grateful. Use me to help and encourage others going through this, or any other valley, as I walk through it.
Please strengthen my husband, Todd, as he walks with me through it. Help him, our children, our families and friends, as I know they’re all worried about me too. Comfort them like only You can.
With all my heart, Lord, I want to walk this out right. I want to be an example of Your love and light in a world that is so broken. I want to look back and see I was able to comfort others with the comfort You have given me. And when it’s over, I will be careful to give You all the praise and glory.
In the Mighty and Powerful Name of Jesus I pray, Amen.
Christmas of 2006 was shaping up to be the worst Christmas of my life. I couldn’t imagine that I would ever be happy again, or even that things could improve. I can honestly say all I wanted for Christmas that year was for it to be OVER.
My daddy had died a few months earlier, and he had loved Christmas so much. It would never be the same without him, and I knew that. My life was such a mess that I was relieved in some ways that he wasn’t here to see it. My family was on it’s last leg, my children were hurting, my marriage was about over. The last thing on earth I wanted to do was Christmas shop. If I hadn’t been trying to find some way to bring normalcy to my children, I wouldn’t have done it at all.
I was praying with every step as I walked through the mall, begging God to help me. Help me find presents that would bring a smile to their faces. Help me find it cheap, and help me find it quick so I could be done with the pretense. I must admit that celebrating the Birth of Christ, the hope of the world, was about the last thing on my mind.
I don’t remember how or why I ended up in Waldenbooks on the second floor of the Four Seasons Mall in Greensboro, NC, and I don’t remember if I bought anything. All I know is I glanced at a calendar for the upcoming year on a display shelf. There was a palm tree over clear blue water on some tropical shore. As I blankly stared at it, quite unexpectedly, I heard the still, small voice of the Holy Spirit quietly say three words . . .
There is hope.
A strange feeling washed over me. It was so foreign that I didn’t recognize what it was at first. It had been so long . . . it was hope. God said it, then I felt it.
If you’ve ever been without hope, then felt it again, you know the stark contrast. There is no mistaking the presence of hope vs. the deep void of hopelessness. “Hopeless” is the saddest place on earth to be.
I’m gotta be honest and tell you that feeling of hope didn’t last long. Maybe only a few moments. But it felt so good that I was determined not to forget it. God had spoken to me. He had promised me. There is hope . . .
From that moment on, a palm tree signified hope to me. My life was somehow, someway going to get better. Sooner or later. My wallpaper on my computer and my cellphone became palm trees. When I felt the black hole of despair coming, I would find a way to stare at a palm tree and recall that moment of hope I had felt in that bookstore at Christmas.
I didn’t know how long it would take, but I believed God would keep His promise to me. Maybe not today, but one day I wasn’t going to live in anxiety and fear. One day I would feel joy and peace, safety and security — just like I felt when I looked at that palm tree.
A few months later, I even let a few of my best girlfriends (Lelia, Trinady, Cathy, you ladies know who you are!) talk me into getting my one and only tattoo. I don’t recommend it, by the way. I found out the hard way they don’t give epidurals in the tattoo parlor! Know what I got? You guessed it. A palm tree with “hope” written underneath it.
The next year I took a beach trip with my kids, my girlfriend, Marjie and her kids. She and I went shopping in some little beach mart, and I found this framed picture that said,
If my dreams could all come true, Paradise would be . . . in a little bungalow . . . by the sea . . .
I told Marjie, “I ain’t got a pot to pee in, but I’m gonna buy that picture. One day, I’m gonna have me a beach house, and this is gonna hang in it.”
That picture hung on my walls for 11 years, nowhere near the beach. I wasn’t sure what it would look like, but I hoped the day would come that I would have my own palm tree . . .
This month, I got one.
If you’ve read this blog long enough, you know that God gave me a new life, and although I didn’t go looking for him, God gave me a wonderful husband who makes my life a joy every single day. No matter what awful things happen, he’s never the source of hardship.
That sweet man bought me a beach house. With a palm tree. And this is the first thing we hung in it, just like I told Marjie I would.
This evening as the sun was setting, I walked on the beach by myself so I could spend some time in worship and prayer, thanking God for His blessings, for always keeping His promises, and for giving me a glimmer of hope that dark December day. I’m thankful that periodically, when we don’t have it rented out, when we can sneak away for a weekend, this is my view right down the street from our new vacation home.
It’s just a little beach house. With a big mortgage. And one little palm tree. But all I need is a little. A little hope during Christmas of 2006 was enough to help me tie a knot and hang on to the end of my rope, and I pray God will give you a glimmer of hope to help you do the same.
Romans 15:13 is my prayer for you,
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
I don’t know what God will do to show you there is still hope. I don’t know what your palm tree will be, but He will give you one. All you need is a little. And if He did it for me, He will do it for you. He’s faithful.
Ever felt hopeless and heartsick? The two are very closely related. Matter of fact, I submit to you that when we feel heartsick, it’s BECAUSE we are hopeless. We are afraid our circumstances won’t get better than they are in this moment, and that thought is almost too much to bear.
Hope is a wonderful thing. Without it, we are all doomed to live a life full of depression and anxiety. When you have hope, you can accomplish anything! You can get up, suit up and show up and work at whatever task is at hand. When we feel hopeless, it’s hard to find the motivation to do much of anything.
There is a time and place to say, “Don’t give up hope! Keep trying!” Sometimes you need to keep going to that dead end job because you’re learning life lessons, building your resume. Don’t quit school even though it’s hard! Don’t give up on your marriage when the road is bumpy!
But I say there’s another side to that coin. When you continue to hope for something that is NOT going to happen, praying for a situation that is NEVER going to get better, THAT is when you become hopeless, depressed, full of anxiety and fear. Sometimes it’s okay to walk away from a bad situation.
Proverbs 13:12 says,
Hope deferred makes the heart sick.
In other words, not getting what you want for what seems like forever makes you feel sick. Hopelessness affects you not just emotionally and psychologically, but also physically and spiritually.
You don’t have to be living in complete anxiety and fear to be hopeless. Maybe your life is less than what you want it to be. Maybe you’re watching your dreams go by, you’re stuck in a dead end job, you want something more, but you don’t think you can have it. You want to go back to school, change careers, but you’re afraid you’re too old or you can’t do it.
You can be hopeless in mediocrity, even if you’re not in complete misery.
To encourage you, I’ll share a story about our oldest daughter, Lindsey and her husband, Daniel.
One night Todd and I were taking them to dinner. All during the meal, Lindsey and Dan both were talking about how unhappy they were living here in central NC. It was just plain depressing for them. They love the mountains, they hate the heat, they miss his brother, sister in law and nieces who live in Alaska. They had visited them a while back, and they loved it, and Lindsey has wonderful memories of us living there when she was little. She actually LOVES cold weather (hard to believe she’s mine, isn’t it?!?!).
Todd finally said, “Then why do you live here? You’re young. You have no house payment, no kids yet. You’re a nurse, Lindsey, and you can work anywhere. Dan, you want to be a PA and if there is a good PA school in Alaska, then why don’t you go? Live where you want to live! Be happy!”
A couple of days later, Lindsey called me and said, “Mom, Dan and I really believe the Holy Spirit spoke to us through Todd. We want to move to Alaska!”
And with that, the wheels were set in motion. Within a couple months, they were packed up and made an amazing memory, camping all the way to Palmer, Alaska, seeing sights most of us only see in pictures. They both got fantastic jobs in their fields and they’ve living an adventure every minute! What a blessing to go live their dreams!
I suppose most Mamas would have kicked Todd under the table — are you kidding me?! You’re encouraging our daughter to move 5000 miles away from us!?!? But I agreed with him, as much as it hurt me to see them go. I love them enough to want them to be happy. I had a good cry saying goodbye, but I never doubted once this was the right path for them.
They need to be where they will prosper and thrive. What Mama wouldn’t be thrilled to see her children as happy as Lindsey and Dan are now?
We’ve told all our kids that same thing. Live your dreams! Go where you want to go! See what you want to see! Live where you want to live! Enjoy life to the FULL! Don’t waste it doing what you don’t want to do every day!
My goodness, people, God isn’t mean! He doesn’t get pleasure out of watching us let our dreams die and fade away!
Here’s some good advice for you if you’ve got a dream of something better, or at least different, than what you’re living now. Ask God to help you bring that dream to pass, show you what doors to knock on, what path to take, and the strength to not give up until it happens!
OR, and this is a huge OR, if it’s NOT God’s best for you, if He has something better or different than what you have in mind, ask Him to take it out of your heart.
Now that I think of it, I need to pray that prayer myself! So why don’t we pray it together? As I always say when I ask people to pray with me, Jesus said when two or more agree according to His will, He grants their requests!
Lord Jesus, God of all hope, we believe You have mighty, wonderful and amazing plans for us. Plans to make our joy complete. We ask that our hearts and plans be in line with Yours, because we know that Yours are better than we could ever ask or imagine! If there is any dream in our hearts that isn’t Your best for us, that isn’t in Your plan and Your will, please help us let it go. Simply take it out our our hearts. We give all our hopes, dreams, and plans to You, knowing that You and You alone can bring the best to pass. Give us the direction and help us walk in the right path, to chase dreams You have placed in our hearts! We believe in You, Lord. Help our unbelief. Fill our hearts with Your hope! And when people see us living prosperous and joy filled lives, may we be careful to give You all the glory!
In the mighty and powerful Name of Jesus we pray, amen and amen!
Southern Fried Encouragement 