Monthly Archives: August 2015

Oh the Irony

31 Monday Aug 2015

Posted by in A Mama's Heart

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In the many years I spent in youth and college ministry, I had a lot of teenagers come through, and oh how I loved each and every one of them. Like they were my own! Although they’re all grown up and have lives and families of their own, they each will always be special to me.

Here’s a great story about one of my ministry girls, and the story is continuing to unfold. I’ve known her since she was born. Her daddy was actually my music teacher when I was young. She inherited the musical gifts of both her parents — she could sing, play, and compose. She was one of those people that oozed creativity.

When she married, I directed her wedding. And when my daughter got married, she was the photographer — did I mention how creative she is?

Little did both of us know we would walk down some similar paths. We would end up single moms, doing our best to figure out a way to make it, not understanding why things happened like they did, trying to trust that better days were coming, hanging on to our faith sometimes by a thread.

Knowing her like I do, I  wasn’t the least bit surprised to see MollyAnn Wymer’s songs, pictures, and modeling shoots. When she started posting funny and sarcastic videos (I’m especially impressed by that since I’ve got some giftings in the sarcasm area myself), I was proud. I knew the pain she’d experienced in her life, and I was thrilled to see her laughing and making others laugh.

Molly

Last Thursday night, I wrote “Hope Deferred“ about giving your dreams to God, and asking Him to either help you fulfill them, or to take them out of your heart so you don’t  become heartsick. God isn’t mean — He doesn’t want us hopeless and depressed, stuck in dead end places. His plans for us are more amazing than anything we could dream up anyway!

First thing Friday morning, Molly wrote me and said it had really spoken to her. She felt like she was stuck in a holding pattern, on the verge of something. She was waiting for God to open doors. I believe God gave her those gifts for a reason, and I prayed for those doors to open.

A few of her videos have gone viral. She’s had some offers, a few irons in the fire, but so far nothing major has really materialized. And she has five little ones who depend on her to take care of them. I completely understand the weight she feels.

As we wrote back and forth on Friday morning, Molly said, I know if I feel fear before I hit “Publish” it’s going to resonate! I just made a “guns” video…and I’m feeling it! 

Oh my . . . famous last words . . .

In the three days since then, Molly’s satirical video about guns has had nearly 13 million Facebook views, over 25,000 YouTube views and climbing. Thousands of comments — apparently some people don’t know sarcasm when it’s staring them in the face — especially when it’s Southern blonde carrying a pink gun. I was completely shocked that some people not only didn’t get Molly’s point — that the power of the gun is in the hands that hold it and it can be used for good or for evil — but some of those people were horribly mean!

Help yourself to this video, and if you like her creativity, try the rest of them as well. “Dramamine” was the first one to go viral, and it still makes me laugh!

MollyAnn Wymer’s “I had to buy protection”

My Mama bear side comes out not only when my own children are being attacked, but also when my ministry children are as well. If I’d had time, I’d’ve given a piece of my mind to all those haters! You don’t have to understand, or even like someone’s creative work, but to say the things people were saying was just brutal. I have been, however, very happy to see all the people defending Molly and trying in vain to explain to people that SHE WAS KIDDING. Evidently sarcasm requires a higher intelligence than the average viral video viewer!

All day, Molly has been on my heart and as I prayed for her, the story of Joseph in the Old Testament came to my mind. Joseph had been sold into slavery by his own brothers. He really hadn’t done anything wrong, except that he was his father’s favorite.

Years went by, and although Joseph knew he didn’t deserve the treatment he’d been given, he was still faithful to use his God-given gifts while in slavery and prison. Because he refused to give up and waller in misery (for all you non-Southerners, when you “waller”, you lay there, stay in the funk, in the pit of despair). Instead, he clawed his way up, and little by little he was promoted. The powers that be eventually noticed Joseph and his talents, and made him the highest ranking official in Egypt, second only to Pharaoh.

In the end, his brothers were starving in the midst of a national famine, and they came to get food from Joseph. They were afraid he would retaliate after what they’d done. Instead, Joseph told them in Genesis 50:20-21,

You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.

God used the abuse of others to propel Joseph to blessing beyond measure. And he in turn used it to bless others.

I won’t share the details, but know this. All the haters that left brutally horrible comments to Molly have done nothing but serve to promote her. I look forward to seeing what doors this will open for her and enable her to provide wonderfully for her children! It’s going to be fun to watch. Go, MollyAnn, be the Southern woman voice of sarcasm and satire!

Be encouraged, dear friend, if you’ve got some haters too. God will do for us what He did for Joseph. How good is the Lord to turn what people do to hurt us, and use it for our favor? To actually promote us to our destiny? That puts a new spin on it, doesn’t it?

Thank You, Jesus, for Molly’s haters, and thank You for all of ours as well. You’re the only One big enough to use mean people to give us the blessings beyond measure. Well played, Lord, well played.

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Hope Deferred

27 Thursday Aug 2015

Posted by in Strength for the Journey

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Ever felt hopeless and heartsick? The two are very closely related. Matter of fact, I submit to you that when we feel heartsick, it’s BECAUSE we are hopeless. We are afraid our circumstances won’t get better than they are in this moment, and that thought is almost too much to bear.

Hope is a wonderful thing. Without it, we are all doomed to live a life full of depression and anxiety. When you have hope, you can accomplish anything! You can get up, suit up and show up and work at whatever task is at hand. When we feel hopeless, it’s hard to find the motivation to do much of anything.

There is a time and place to say, “Don’t give up hope! Keep trying!” Sometimes you need to keep going to that dead end job because you’re learning life lessons, building your resume. Don’t quit school even though it’s hard! Don’t give up on your marriage when the road is bumpy!

But I say there’s another side to that coin. When you continue to hope for something that is NOT going to happen, praying for a situation that is NEVER going to get better, THAT is when you become hopeless, depressed, full of anxiety and fear. Sometimes it’s okay to walk away from a bad situation.

Proverbs 13:12 says,

Hope deferred makes the heart sick.

In other words, not getting what you want for what seems like forever makes you feel sick. Hopelessness affects you not just emotionally and psychologically, but also physically and spiritually.

You don’t have to be living in complete anxiety and fear to be hopeless. Maybe your life is less than what you want it to be. Maybe you’re watching your dreams go by, you’re stuck in a dead end job, you want something more, but you don’t think you can have it. You want to go back to school, change careers, but you’re afraid you’re too old or you can’t do it.

You can be hopeless in mediocrity, even if you’re not in complete misery.

To encourage you, I’ll share a story about our oldest daughter, Lindsey and her husband, Daniel.

One night Todd and I were taking them to dinner. All during the meal, Lindsey and Dan both were talking about how unhappy they were living here in central NC. It was just plain depressing for them. They love the mountains, they hate the heat, they miss his brother, sister in law and nieces who live in Alaska. They had visited them a while back, and they loved it, and Lindsey has wonderful memories of us living there when she was little. She actually LOVES cold weather (hard to believe she’s mine, isn’t it?!?!).

Todd finally said, “Then why do you live here? You’re young. You have no house payment, no kids yet. You’re a nurse, Lindsey, and you can work anywhere. Dan, you want to be a PA and if there is a good PA school in Alaska, then why don’t you go? Live where you want to live! Be happy!”

A couple of days later, Lindsey called me and said, “Mom, Dan and I really believe the Holy Spirit spoke to us through Todd. We want to move to Alaska!”

And with that, the wheels were set in motion. Within a couple months, they were packed up and made an amazing memory, camping all the way to Palmer, Alaska, seeing sights most of us only see in pictures. They both got fantastic jobs in their fields and they’ve living an adventure every minute! What a blessing to go live their dreams!

I suppose most Mamas would have kicked Todd under the table — are you kidding me?! You’re encouraging our daughter to move 5000 miles away from us!?!? But I agreed with him, as much as it hurt me to see them go. I love them enough to want them to be happy. I had a good cry saying goodbye, but I never doubted once this was the right path for them.

 leaving for AK

They need to be where they will prosper and thrive. What Mama wouldn’t be thrilled to see her children as happy as Lindsey and Dan are now?

lindsey dan AK

We’ve told all our kids that same thing. Live your dreams! Go where you want to go! See what you want to see! Live where you want to live! Enjoy life to the FULL! Don’t waste it doing what you don’t want to do every day!

My goodness, people, God isn’t mean! He doesn’t get pleasure out of watching us let our dreams die and fade away!

Here’s some good advice for you if you’ve got a dream of something better, or at least different, than what you’re living now. Ask God to help you bring that dream to pass, show you what doors to knock on, what path to take, and the strength to not give up until it happens!

OR, and this is a huge OR, if it’s NOT God’s best for you, if He has something better or different than what you have in mind, ask Him to take it out of your heart.

Now that I think of it, I need to pray that prayer myself! So why don’t we pray it together? As I always say when I ask people to pray with me, Jesus said when two or more agree according to His will, He grants their requests!

Lord Jesus, God of all hope, we believe You have mighty, wonderful and amazing plans for us. Plans to make our joy complete. We ask that our hearts and plans be in line with Yours, because we know that Yours are better than we could ever ask or imagine! If there is any dream in our hearts that isn’t Your best for us, that isn’t in Your plan and Your will, please help us let it go. Simply take it out our our hearts. We give all our hopes, dreams, and plans to You, knowing that You and You alone can bring the best to pass. Give us the direction and help us walk in the right path, to chase dreams You have placed in our hearts! We believe in You, Lord. Help our unbelief. Fill our hearts with Your hope! And when people see us living prosperous and joy filled lives, may we be careful to give You all the glory!

In the mighty and powerful Name of Jesus we pray, amen and amen!

Attitude of Forgiveness

20 Thursday Aug 2015

Posted by in Strength for the Journey

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A few years back, someone did some painful and undeserved things to me at church. Since the offense was public, the pressure was on for him to make it right with me. Here’s how it went:

Church Man: So you know that thing that you’re upset about?

Me: Yes. 

Church Man: Well, you’re just going to have to forgive me and move on. You don’t have a choice because that’s what the Bible says to do.

And with that, he walked off. To this day, that’s the only conversation he and I have ever had about it.

I’ve had better apologies . . .

At that point, I had two choices:

  1. I could hold on to that hurt and refuse to forgive him.
  2. I could let it go.

Let’s play that tape to the end and see what the outcomes might be.

What would have happened to ME if I had hung on to it? Bitterness, anger, resentment, and unforgiveness hardens the heart. It causes depression, anxiety, and a host of mental, physical and psychological illnesses. It changes your outlook on life and makes you an all around nasty person.

Well, that’s not attractive at all.

What would have happened to HIM if I had held on to it? What effect would what I was thinking and feeling have had on him?

Absolutely nothing.

He doesn’t know if I held on to it or not. I don’t know his heart, but he probably hasn’t lost sleep over it. So why in the WORLD would I choose to harm MYSELF over something he did?

I love this quote about harboring unforgiveness:

Refusing to forgive someone is like drinking poison and waiting for THEM to die.

Refusing to forgive the Church Man wouldn’t have hurt him. It would have hurt ME. And that’s why God wants us to forgive. He doesn’t want us to be hurt any more than we already have been.

Here are a few things I’ve learned about forgiveness:

  1.  It is NOT approval of what the person did to you. In the many years I spent in ministry, I heard some horrific stories. Rape, incest, abuse, murder — things that made what the Church Man did to me seem like a Sunday drive. If you forgive something as horrible as those things, it does NOT mean the person should go unpunished. Heck no, those people should have severe consequences to their actions. But forgiving them means you don’t continue to let the act hurt you even more than it already has.
  2. It’s not forgetting. Remember the old saying, “Forgive and forget?” I think that’s most likely impossible. I still remember the Church Man’s offense — but I don’t stew on it. Life is too short for that.
  3. It’s not being a doormat. It’s possible to forgive someone while not letting them do the same thing to you again. You can and should set healthy boundaries. Forgiving someone who hurts you doesn’t mean you should stand there and take the next punch.
  4. It’s not weakness. On the contrary, it takes a very strong person to let go of offense. I have a MUCH harder time if someone hurts someone I love. I can forgive an offense towards me far more easily.
  5. It’s not necessarily reconciliation. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to go on vacation with them!
  6. It’s not the result of an apology. Many times an apology never comes. Sometimes the offender has died and there is no chance of an apology anyway. It’s easier to forgive when someone is sitting in sackcloth and ashes and begging our forgiveness. It isn’t so easy when they never even say they’re sorry.
  7. It’s setting the offender free in your mind.Why in the world continue to live in that misery? There are much more constructive things to spend your time thinking about, things that improve your life.
  8. It’s choosing not to punish them. There are few things more destructive in a relationship than when someone punishes every wrongdoing.

Forgiveness is an attitude. It’s a way of life for me. I forgive because I want God to forgive ME. Matthew 6:14-15 says,

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do NOT forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

I forgive because I truly believe you get what you give. I want people to forgive ME when I hurt them, I want them to show mercy and grace to me, and if I WANT it, I have to GIVE it. Treat people the way you want to be treated.

Nowadays you hear the word “karma” thrown around a lot. I’ve heard it said that karma isn’t a Biblical idea. Maybe not, but it’s at least pretty dang close. Galatians 6:7 says,

A man reaps what he sows.

If I WANT forgiveness, mercy and grace, I had better be giving it.

I forgive because God will make sure all things are made right in the end. He’s the God of justice. If there are wrongs to be made right, I can’t make it happen like He can.

At its root, unforgiveness is really distrust of God.

When we want revenge, when we want to punish, when we refuse to forgive, it’s because we don’t trust God to make all things work for our good. We are putting ourselves in God’s place. Rest assured, He’s watching, He’s protecting, He’s got it under control, much better than we ever could. He said vengeance is His, and He will handle it in His time.

In the times of my life where I feel justice isn’t being served, I’m being wronged! Life isn’t fair! Lord, the wicked prosper! I remind myself that God is big enough. I love this quote:

In the end it will be okay. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.

Let it go, stop holding on to things that hurt you. Don’t let that mean person live rent free in your head! Pour out that cup of Roundup. Don’t drink the poison. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.

Let Nothing Be Wasted

12 Wednesday Aug 2015

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A few days ago, we packed up our last little chickadee and moved her to college. We’re now officially Empty Nesters, and I am not digging it. Somebody send a teenager or two to my house!!

Last night, I stood in her room and just looked around. There were no clothes on the floor, no homework spread out on the bed, or empty glass of water on the nightstand. Next week when classes start, I won’t walk up the steps and into this room to say, “Wake up, sweetheart. Time to get ready for school.” No, she will now get up on her own.

One minute they were babies, starting kindergarten. Now suddenly they’re all either in college or already graduated. I remember when Lindsey was born and we brought her home from the hospital, my Daddy said, “Hold her close. This time next week she’ll be graduating from high school.” Oh how right you were, Daddy. How can this have happened so very quickly?

I struggle with fear that I may not have done enough, or did the wrong things in the time I had with them. I only had them for a short window to care for them, nurture them, give them what they need to face this cruel world. Was it enough? Did I waste what little time I had?

There is only one miracle Jesus performed that is told in all four Gospels — the feeding of the 5000.  The crowds had come to hear Jesus teach, and He was in tune with their needs. The people were hungry, so He told His disciples to feed them.

But Lord, where will we get food to feed that many? All we have is one little boy’s lunch of five loaves and two small fish.

In the little boy’s hands, five loaves and two fish could feed him and maybe his small family one meal. But five loaves and two fish are enough to feed 5000 when they’re in the hands of Jesus. More than enough, actually. There were twelve baskets left over.

What does this miracle have to do with fear of wasting what precious time I had with my children? One small little phrase. It jumped off the page at me as I was reading the passage, and it gave me great comfort. John records in Chapter 6, verse 12:

 . . . He said to His disciples, “Gather the pieces that are left over. Let nothing be wasted.”

Why save those baskets? I mean, everyone had a belly full. It wasn’t like they could vacuum seal the fish and put them in the freezer. Were they taking it to the local homeless shelter? Why would Jesus tell them to gather all the pieces up instead of just leaving it all?

Because nothing is wasted when you give it to Jesus. 

Tears blurred my vision as I stared at that verse in my Bible. God continues to comfort me that my time with my children wasn’t wasted.  As I’ve shared in earlier blogs, I dedicated them to the Lord before they were born, and through all my mistakes and shortcomings as their mother, I have done the best I could.

Like the little boy with five loaves and two fish, I handed the Lord my babies, and said, “Here they are. They’re all I’ve got. Do with them what only You can do.” See, in my hands, I couldn’t do much more for my children than feed and clothe them, teach them the basics of survival. But in God’s hands, they can make a life, an abundant life, exceedingly abundantly more than I can ask or imagine.

Although I didn’t get my step-children until they were young teens, they’ve been placed in the same capable hands of a loving Father as I placed the three born to me. It’s never too late to hand your children to Jesus. He will do much more with them than we ever could, so much that there will be overflowing life to spare.

Yes, the house is deafeningly quiet. But I’ve either talked on the phone or texted with all five of them today. Thank God for technology. Here they are the day our family was beautifully blended into one. Be still my heart!

1511676_10152500008919409_1314245346_n

A Mama’s prayer is on my heart tonight. You can pray this prayer for your children along with me if you’d like. If you don’t have children, will you agree with me about our children as we pray? Jesus said if two or more agree according to His will, He would grant their request. I’ll agree with you about your children, too, no matter if they’re babies or all grown up.

Precious Lord Jesus, You have fearfully and wonderfully made each one of our children. You entrusted them into our hands for a precious little while, and now too quickly, they’re grown. We aren’t there to make sure they’re home safely, or that they get off to school and work on time. We can’t be there with them, but You O Lord, You are always there. May Your strong arms hold them as they sleep, and may they feel confidently loved beyond measure.

We thank You that You love them even more than we do. As hard as we try, we know we have failed them in so many ways. We are grateful that our efforts, as feeble and inadequate as they may be, are never wasted in Your economy. Multiply all our love, all Your love, all the prayers for their success, until there are baskets and baskets leftover!

We ask You to send Your Holy Spirit to guide each one of them in their choices and let Your love fill their hearts with joy and peace. Give them the strength they need to go about their work, whether it’s with their jobs or with their studies, and grant them success. Put those in their paths to guide them in paths of righteousness, and use them to bless others. Protect them from the evil one, and may their destinies be fulfilled for Your glory.

Thank you, Lord Jesus, that You will let nothing be wasted.

In the precious Name of Jesus, we pray. Amen and amen.

Picnic Table Evangelists

05 Wednesday Aug 2015

Posted by in Love Your World

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When I was in college at Arizona State University, I was lost in a crowd of tens of thousands of students. My senior year we won the Rose Bowl, and Rolling Stone magazine said we were the best college campus to get a tan. Quite a different life for this country girl from Pleasant Garden, NC where we had one stoplight, and it wasn’t even at an intersection!

It’s very hot in Arizona in August. When I say hot, I mean temps nearing 120 degrees in the shade. I remember students frying eggs on the hoods of their cars! The hottest place on campus was called the Commons. It was in the center of everything — all concrete, no shade.

One day as I was hurrying through the Commons to get to class, I heard someone yelling. I looked up to see a man and woman standing on a picnic table in sweltering heat. He had on long sleeves and long pants. She was wearing a dress that went from her chin to the tips of her toes and fingers. They were sweating bullets.

They were angry, scowling, and waving Bibles in the air, screaming at everyone walking by that we were sinners bound for Hell because we were students at ASU. You see, our mascot was the Sun Devil, and therefore, our campus was evil. Oh and because we were wearing shorts and short sleeves — that, too.

I was stunned as he looked right at me and yelled, “WHORE!” Whoa, Nelly. Say what?  He wasn’t just calling me a nasty name. Every girl who walked past in shorts or short sleeves was a “whore,” and every boy was a “whoremonger.” (When’s the last time you heard someone say that word?!!?)

The crowd was incensed. People were yelling back at them, and many braved the heat and sun to stand and debate them. I didn’t. I just walked away, sad and burdened, ashamed that those people would represent God in such a hateful way. I wanted to shout, “Don’t judge all Christians by these people!” but I realized I’d be just one more person yelling.

In the next edition of our school newspaper, I was even more saddened to read letters students had written about the Picnic Table Evangelists, all saying, “This is why I’ll never be a Christian.” That couple did far more to damage the Kingdom than to advance it at ASU, I’m afraid. Not one person wrote in to say, “Thankfully someone told me I was a whoremonger, and that made me want to know Jesus!” I wrote in as well, desperate to defend a loving God, but my letter was lost in a sea of anger left in their wake.

After I graduated in 1987, we moved to Virginia. The TV was on in the other room one night as I was cooking dinner. From the kitchen, I heard someone yelling, “WHORES! WHOREMONGERS!” I ran into the living room, already sure of who I’d see as Sally Jesse Raphael’s guests. None other than the Picnic Table Evangelists. 

They spewed their venom, just like they did the first time I saw them. There were some Christians in the audience who tried in vain to say that’s NOT how God is, but they were shot down.

The Picnic Table Evangelists neglected to mention a Savior who loved the world so much He would die for them, or any word of His forgiveness, kindness, grace or mercy. They just screamed and pronounced everyone as sinners bound for Hell.

Finally, Sally Jesse Raphael said, “Never have I said this to a guest, but you are never welcomed back on my show. You are the meanest people I’ve ever met, and if you’re what Christians are, I don’t want to be one.” The Picnic Table Evangelists said, “Good! We won’t want to be around you because you’re going to Hell!”

Folks, let me tell you something. The most dangerous people in the world are the ones who are angry, dogmatic, convinced they are right, everyone else is wrong, and worst of all, that God is on their side. There is no arguing, no convincing, no amicable discussion with a person who thinks God is supporting their agenda. The truth is, people like that flew planes into the World Trade Center.

I agree that God is a holy and just God, and I believe there will be a day of reckoning. Thankfully, we have an Advocate to defend us, and forgiveness, grace, atonement and mercy were made readily available to all at the Cross. To quote the great Billy Graham,

It is the Holy Spirit’s job to convict, God’s job to judge, and my job to love.

Maybe you’re not as mean and angry as the Picnic Table Evangelists — I sure hope not! There are many times we need to defend the weak and defenseless, times to speak up. And believe me, I do! But we must ALWAYS speak the truth in LOVE. Whatever we need to say, we can say it with kindness. As the old saying goes, no one cares what we know until they know that we care. 

All you have to do is scroll through your Facebook newsfeed to see every opinion all over the map. Everyone is convinced they’re right and anyone who opposes them are idiots! It’s exhausting at best. We must remember the same Jesus who loved and died for disabled veterans, babies, animal foster families, and the candidate for President you support, also died for the Picnic Table Evangelists, abortionists, LGBTQ people, cop killers, people who drink alcohol, divorced people (that’s me), and the candidate for President you can’t stand. God’s love transcends the latest media hype, and it reaches to what you consider the lowest depths of humanity.

I’ve had many desks in many offices over years, but this one framed quote has remained to remind me of my life’s mission every day:

All that matters is God and people. My life’s desire — to serve them both in the most effective way possible. To submit my weaknesses to a God without limitations, knowing as an end result, they become my greatest strengths, because in those areas I can’t rely on my “pieced together inadequacy” but rather on the perfection of His adequacy. In His sovereignty. His will. His plan. His timing. His love.” — Libba Maddrey

May we live that out with every person in our paths. God help us love people, today and every day, whoever they are. In the end, that’s all that matters.